Everything I Needed to Know
I Learned During the 1997 Purdue Football Season

       The right answers in life aren't always obvious -- sometimes you might need to move your starting quarterback to defensive back.

       Not all love happens at first sight.

       Don't be afraid of bullies with reputations. When they pin you inside the one, it's just gonna be that much cooler when you punch it in.

       Just win, baby.

       Live life seven seconds at a time -- whether it's talking with Chukkie's mom or watching Brian run 93 yards.

       Emulate those who have done what you seek to do -- then make them look stupid.

       If you're ever in a fight with a big fat slob, beat the daylights out of him. Even though you win the fight, keep beating him senseless so that nobody will forget who won.

       If you've got a really lame neighbor, go over to his house, take all he's got, and leave.

       Sometimes when you go to someone else's house, stuff ain't exactly where you expect it to be.

       When you're down and a lot of people who say they're with you leave your side, those who are left -- your true friends -- will help you make the impossible a reality in a matter of minutes (two of them, to be specific).

       Some days, even with eight people and a twelve pack of Surge, it ain't happenin'.

       If somebody has something of yours, go get it from them -- and rip their carpet off the floor when you leave.

       If you don't get invited to a party, have a bigger party somewhere else. And if you can, make it rain at the first party.

       If you talk the talk, you better have the juice to walk more than the first half of the walk.

       The game ain't over 'til you say it is.

       Joe Tiller's the Man.

       If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

       If somebody tells you to shut up, find another way to scream.